The Silence of God….is not really silence at all. He’s always speaking. It is us that stop listening. We allow our emotions to get in the way. Doubt and worry are sin. Sin always separates us from God. When my baby died I was so hurt and angry at God. But I was so worried about being a good “Christian” that I didn’t allow myself to accept the fact that I Was angry. I was deceiving myself. I could hear God speaking to me and I just shut his voice out. I wanted to wallow in my self pity. It was until I was honest with myself and before God that I admitted my anger that healing began. My mindset was shattered of Who I thought God to be. My faith was shaken. I didn’t know what I believed anymore. My thoughts were distorted. I allowed myself to be tormented by them. So many times I had heard that depression or sickness couldn’t touch me. But I soon found myself sick with depression mentally and physically. There were times when I could almost feel my heart failing me. My body was showing symptoms of a heart that had been broken. Through it all I knew one thing, that I still loved God. He was still worthy of being praised no matter my circumstance. There were times I cried out in the midst of my pain. “God I’m angry at you! Why? God take this from me, I can’t do this. I can’t take it. I can’t hear your voice. If I have to live without hearing your voice then I would rather not live. God help me! God where are you? God you can’t leave me with my own thoughts I will surely die!” In the midst of my pain He always reminded me that He would never leave me nor forsake me. I had lost my way. But He was the one that would help me find my way back. His precious Spirit comforted me and showed me that the feelings of depression would come and that they are very Real! Holy Spirit taught me that when they came. No matter how black the clouds were that I had to make a conscious choice and effort to resist. I must resist with God’s Word. He also taught me to pay attention to what I was thinking and feeling. He taught me the importance of remembering and recognizing thoughts and emotions. Depression came and Depression went…in an ongoing battle…I resisted with the strength and wisdom of God’s Holy Word. Holy Spirit soon began to teach me that God wasn’t Who I thought Him to be. Holy Spirit showed me that He was greater than I could even imagine. His ways were not my ways. He started to show me to look beyond the present and to look into eternity. If my mindset had never been shattered how could I ever break through a shallow relationship that I had with my creator. How would I ever go deeper, If I didn’t desire to know more about Him? How could he take me deeper? How could there be more intimacy if I didn’t ask those intimate questions about His person? People told me I had no right to go before the Throne of God and to question him. But you see I went to the Throne room crawled on his lap asked my Daddy questions and He answered me. He didn’t answer always. My Father told me that when I was old enough to handle his answer that He would. His love sustains me. His love continues to carry me through.
John 14:26 But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.
No comments:
Post a Comment